Dreams of Reality
by ice-cube08
Summary: Everytime I see her smile, I just can't avert myself from falling deeper and deeper until i bury myself and not be able to go back...-excerpts
1. feelings from within

Author's note: well, this is my first fanfic…umm…I really don't know if you'll like it… I hope you will…it's about Draco's feeling…it's his unrequited love for Hermione…the one he calls mudblood…anyways, I wrote this story because I also feel the way Draco is feeling in the story…though, it really hurts me…it's Draco's point of view…well, it's also my point of view as I just told you…I'm also suffering that unrequited love thing…this is dedicated to all feeling left alone and rejected and that includes me…to all readers enjoy, and don't forget to review…thanx…ice-cube08…

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

It was cloudy that night…she was looking at the lake. 

Her beautiful eyes that I adore so much was wet with tears…

I want to dry them but I can't…

I want to know the reason behind all these,

behind her tears, 

her sadness, 

her sorrows,

her burdens…

I want to say sorry but I couldn't…

I know it's the only way I could make up to her…

But, 

But I know its not gonna work…

I've been here looking at her for hours but I can't do anything to comfort her…

I don't know what I'm feeling…

It's really odd…

I really don't know, and I don't want this…

I don't want to be rejected…

I know I'm not born for this, I'm born because of anger and I'm born to hate not to love…

But everytime I see her I just can't help myself…

I can't stop but fall in love again…

Everytime I see her smile, I just can't avert myself from falling deeper and deeper until I bury myself and not be able to go back…

Go back to the reality of hatred…

Reality of darkness…

Reality of me…

No…

But she's my reality…

I can't force myself to forget her,

to hurt her, if I really do love her…

NO, this is not right!

I should not allow myself to love her,

it will just cause dirt to my blood…

to my reputation…

well,, who cares…

its just MY reputation…

once and for all I want to be happy,

I want to put an end to the person I'm imitating…

I want to take off this mask…

The mask of my father…

I want to show them the true me…

I want to show the world that I'm different,

Different from the person they see…

I want them to know that I'm not as bad as they think…

I want to,

to..

to…

shout to the world that i…

That I love her

..but I know, 

even though the whole world knows about this, 

she won't think of me as a human..

she still hates me..

she won't change a bit..

she won't change her feelings towards me..

she won't understand me because I never did understand her..

her feelings..

her doubts..

I never looked to her as a human…

I even called her a MUDBLOOD…

Well, what's the difference?!

She still is human even if she is a muggle-born or not..

And it doesn't make difference either,

I still love her…

mudblood  or not..

I really don't know…

How can I tell her these things?

Maybe only in my dreams..

But how? I can't even have dreams now..

I can't put myself to sleep…

I don't know where to place these feelings..

I don't even know if this is love or hate..

I just don't know..

I hate it..

She's the only person whom I think, understands me..

She don't only look through what her bare eyes can see..

She looks within me, I know it..

Everytime she looks into my eyes…

I can see she suffers twice the pain I'm suffering now…

I want to give her love and care, but how?

Now that I also need much love and care…

And especially understanding …

She's been there…

Almost…

However…

I don't notice her…

She's all I need…

But…

I'm scared…


	2. chance

Author's note: ei, it's me again…until now I can't still cope up with my problem, you know the "unrequited love" thing… anyways, let's go on with the story…it's still sad…He still can't find the words to say to her…but let's still give him a chance to express what he truly feels in this next chapter…thanx again and don't forget to leave a review…ice-cube08…

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

I really need to do this…

For once I should be there for her…

not for a nasty talk but,

rather a pleasant one…

but,

How will I tell her?

I'm too scared…

scared of her reaction,

scared of the outcome,

scared of what others might say or think…

I know it's not my usual self…

But it's what I really am…

I never felt like this before…

I know that others will laugh at me,

especially Potter and Weasley.

but who cares...

All I know is that…

I need HERMIONE…

I need her to be right here beside me,

I need her smile…

her warm smile.

I need her arms wrapped around mine,

I need her more than anything else…

and most of all…

I need her LOVE.

I need her so badly,

that I go crazy everytime I don't get to see her…

I want her to know…

How thankful I am living and still have a reason for staying…

But unfortunately I can't…

and I haven't told her these things…

I haven't told her that I care for her,

that everytime she's sad, I want to know what's behind her tears.

I want to know her doubts,

her fears,

her sorrows…

I want to ease her load,

to ease her pain…

to start a brand new day with her…

But,

How?!

Tell me how?!

How can I help her when all of these are because of me…

because of my foolishness…

my harshness…

my unkindness…

I made up all her fears,

her sorrows,

her doubts…

I'm the reason behind this…

Behind her tears…

' I'm sorry Hermione'

I'm sorry for all the things I've done…

for all the things that I haven't done…

and for all the things that I should have done…

I'm sorry for not having enough power…

enough strength to tell you I LOVE YOU!

I've always loved you.

I love you for being you…

You taught me the better side of life…

You showed me that I still have a chance…

A chance that I have long waited…

A chance that I may someday find love again…

And surely did you give me a chance to know what love is…

And I found that LOVE in you…

…ice-cube…before I forget, can anyone please e-mail me @ iced_08@yahoo.com., tell me your comment and suggestions, feel free to drop by, anyways, I'm just a beginner… and also, to LP Draconis thanx for reviewing, I really appreciated your review… And to hopeless romantic, please continue your story 'untitled' you are my inspiration in writing this story aside from my other inspiration…well, til next time…see yah! **~XIV~**


	3. let off

Author's Note: I can't say anything for now coz I'm hurt again… More or less, but its because of another person… Not the one I'm mentioning in the last chapters… I'm sorry… Hope we'll compromise these things, I really miss you. Even if I just spent a while with you I really really miss you… How pathethic am I? Being a hopeless romantic and being a heart-broken isn't easy so please bear with me and read my story… you know what? You can help me by reading and reviewing my stories…again, thanx and god bless…ice-cube08…

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

In this love I've learned to live.

You've mend my heart and made it whole again…

I don't know if I will be able to tell you,

but this I know,

I really am in love with you…

As I was about to make my move…

My heart pounded really hard.

I felt sweat coming out of my glands…

I never felt this nervous,

This scared before…

Making slow steps towards her,

I assured myself that I can do it…

I can finally tell her what I feel…

What's really in my heart…

As the thought of her rejecting me pondered in my head…

I felt pain and coldness in my heart…

But a bit of hope lightened me up,

And told me not to give up…

Here it goes…

I stepped closely to her side and whispered her name…

Hermione… 

                _I'm Sorry…_

She stared at me with a mixture of disbelief and confusion..

As I was to say and explain my part she opened her mouth and said,

"Why are you sorry, you don't have to be sorry. I understand…"

"I'm sorry Hermione. It's all my fault."

She smiled at me and with just one smile all my doubts seem to fade away…

I felt comfortable…

It was the first time I felt contented…

"I'm sorry,

I'm sorry for all the things I've done…

for all the things that I haven't done…

and for all the things that I should have done…

I'm sorry for not having enough power…

enough strength to tell you I…"

I was about to tell her…

to tell her the feeling I have long wanted to say…

but she stopped me…

"You're forgiven."

I can't believe what I just heard…

But…

She assured me by holding my hands and…

"You're long been forgiven"

I held her hand tight and said,

"Thank You… 

                …_Thank you for understanding me…"_

"No, saying sorry is enough, Draco… 

I never expected that you would have the guts to say sorry…"

…ice-cube08…oohh,, by the way thanx to all who reviewed the last chapters… anyways, I would like to thank Baby T for spending her time e-mailing me… well you really put up the confidence in me… I really am giving up in writing this crap… But with your encouraging words, well I somehow thought that there are still people who trust in my writing… thanx again and I hope you all will review my story I really need reviews now, I'm really depressed…thanx and god bless… **~XIV~**


	4. somehow it made me new

Author Note: finally my 4th chapter is up… well I really had this author's block thingy, and it made me mad and I just can't think of anything to write. But obviously I finished it and posted it just in time, but there still is a problem. And you know what guys, ITS YOU, almost all of you!!! Why aren't you reading my fic, is it really that boring? Argh! I know it sucks but can you please try to review so that I can change it before its too late. I love writing stories specially romantic one, but I think its not effective… so what do you think? I really need reviews but I don't need any hurtful criticisms it really takes off the good in me… well, so long and hope after reading this you'll change your mind and try reviewing… thanx and god bless …ice-cube08…

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

Same time like before,

I was standing by the lake,

imagining the past occurrences.

I remembered the scene that had taken place,

the time that he had asked for my apology,

the time that I had forgiven him,

and the time he had thanked me.

I can't hardly believe what had just happened,

I was crying from my sad thoughts

hoping that my tears will wash away all my pain and heartache

and again hoping that it will just turn out to be a paradise

until he came and somewhat change my outlook in life.

From that moment,

the moment when I felt that the whole world turned their backs on me,

he was there…

He paid his debt that had caused loneliness in my innocence.

He had changed me with just one night,

One moment,

One single moment…

A single moment that made a change in my personality,

In my destiny…

A single moment that I can't believe,

I can't believe it somehow eased my pain.

As I was looking down the lake

visualizing the beautiful moon reflected by its water.

The pain had struck me once again.

The pain which led me to know him…

to know him from his bare flesh to his soul.

It made me think that it's worth the pain.

I've somehow found the lost part of me in him.

He showed me a small flash of light from the darkness I am in.

Although most of that darkness are because of him.

Because of the pain he brought into my life.

Thinking of that pain again.

The only pain which led me to my happiness…

Which led me to him…

Which led me to know him better…

Which made me know myself better…

Which somehow made my life complete…

From just a single moment…

From just a simple word…

I could still remember him saying my name…

Hermione… 

                _I'm Sorry…_

Just simple and plain but it made me new…

It made me whole again…

…ice-cube08… so what do you think? Do I pass your requirements as one of the so-called authors here? Hmpf!!! What should I do for you to read my story write super corny summary and do a very breath-taking somersault? Please,, I'm just asking for your very precious comment… And I would gladly thank you for that… Sorry for being nasty… I didn't mean it. Well, thanx to all who would gladly review, I hope you enjoyed reading my fic although the author is too cruel… see yah next time! **~XIV~**


	5. author's note please read!

**Author's Note:**

Hey! Hope you all are enjoying my story… anyways I would really appreciate if someone will mail me and just tell me their suggestions… you can also review my story. A little comment won't hurt right… I really need to know if my story is nice or if it sucks. I don't have any chapters yet but I'll try to update sooner but I just don't know when… I am really running out of words to say in the story… and I really want to finish it soon. Hope you guys will bear with me… I really really need reviews now!!!!

**Thanx to**:

_LP Draconis_… I really appreciate you're review and thanx for mailing me. You already reviewed twice. THANX!!!

_raine_… whoever you are THANX, at least you reviewed. 

_DMRox_… maybe I'm wrong, I mailed you and I thought you were an author. I you ever would start reading my story again try to put your e-mail address, okay?! THANX!!!!

_geyser_… you know who you are…THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

_Baby T_… I already got 4 chapters and you already reviewed 3 of them… THANX!!!! I really appreciate your efforts…

_traitor-aitor_… why did you change your name it was kinda cute… THANX for reviewing!!!!

_bitter like chocolate/dreamer92_… thank you so much for reviewing and mailing me back…sorry if I haven't replied you yet… THANX!!!!!

**And to all**: 

Please try to review your review is really appreciated here… THANX and love yah all!!!!!

…ice-cube08…


	6. why?

Author's Note: I can't believe it, it's now my 5th chapter… So, just want to tell yah that it's like the past chapters that I have written, too much repeating of words and everything… I really don't know how to avoid them, coz if I do I may end up deleting all the things I have written… so long, I have nothing more to say, again enjoy and review… thanx! …ice-cube08…

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

Until now I could still remember the past…

Even if I'm here at the present

but maybe no future to hold…

I know I've done too much damage,

I've done her wrong,

treat her like a rug,

treat her like mud.

The only mud which changed me…

Changed me to the person I never thought was me…

Changed me to what I should be,

What I never would be

but had used to be, and just hid it in myself…

Because of you…

Because of the love you showed…

It made a great difference in me,

Opened a new world,

A new world I never thought would open

Especially for me…

I can still recall her saying…

_"You're forgiven,_

_                You're long been forgiven."_

I thanked her with all my heart…

_"No, saying sorry is enough, Draco… _

I never expected that you would have the guts to say sorry…" 

I can still remember her exact words…

It may be plain and short

but it put some color in the dark side of my life,

It broke the wall of hatred that my stupid pride had built,

It softened my heart made of stone,

It gave warmth to my cold and icy life,

And most of all 

It gave love,

Love that is ever so forgiving,

Ever so loyal,

But ever so wounding…

Why should all of us feel love?

Why do we need such kind of thing,

when all it can bring is pain, heartache and tears?

Why can't we love without sacrificing?

Why do we need to live, just live with love?

Why can't we live without love although we know 

love is the reason we die afterall…

the reason we die inside…

but the reason we live again, and still try to continue…

Why can't we stop loving and caring 

even if we know that we will just end up dejected?

Why do we become blind when we fall in love

and never saw the bad side of it?

Why do I need to feel all of this while loving her?

Why do I need to suffer,

When all that I really needed was her…

Her love…

But I just end up getting hurt…

…ice-cube08… Phew! That was it, the 5th chapter of my story. Hope you liked it! Well I'm trying my best to keep it simple and not too fluffy but it's no good… I'm really sorry… I just wanna hear from you so try to review… **~XIV~**


	7. contentment

Author's Note: I hope this won't be the last chapter of Dreams… maybe until I have another idea of what to put next… So before I start typing up the whole thing, I would like to thank the following for their reviews: LP Draconis, raine, DMRox, geyser, Baby T1, traitor aitor, bitter like chocolate, blackdragonofdeath13, mannging editor, chaos, blade05, crystaldream1 and story teller telling a lie… REVIEW!!! 

**~DREAMS OF REALITY~**

…Ice-cube08…

Hurt as ever…

I went wandering down the grounds…

Feeling the bitter gentle wind on my now more pallid skin.

Letting the wind touch my skin

and blow my flaxen hair.

I know loving her was the last thing I'd ever done…

But I still did.

And I know that her, feeling the same was close to impossible.

Or should I say, certainly impossible.

Months ago, 

I was here for a reason I don't even know.

All I know is that,

at the same time 

I became conscious of things I shouldn't have. 

I realized that I've been too harsh to people,

that I didn't know I am.

I even had an unusual feeling of saying sorry,

But I never thought that by doing so 

would make me feel at ease for the first time this year.

Right now I'm thinking of a way to forget her…

But to all resort,

I fail…

even miserable than before.

I don't know what she's doing right now, 

but I hope that whatever it is she's happy…

I know she may never learn to love me back,

but I'd try to live with it.

It's my fault anyway…

It's all I ever deserve…

I know it hurts me so bad 

but I'll take it in,

as long as she's here in my heart…

I'd be happy…

_I'm contented with it!_


End file.
